• Household Disruption – There is a flow to how we interact with our family at home from sleep schedules to making meals and home health care can change that dynamic completely.

• Financial Pressure – This is already a major stressor in many households, especially over the past few years. Having an elder being care for in the home can be a strain on finances even with insurance and other coverage.

• Added Workload – Most of us already feel stretched too thin and with the addition of caring for a senior citizen or a person with chronic disease adds another level of work.

Many times we see caregivers livning around Jacksonville or out of town kids visiting who are overwhelmed by stress and on the verge of crashing and burning. This stress is usually built up over time since caring for our seniors needing care at home is a long-term challenge and not a quick easy fix.

For some it feels hopeless because their family members are not getting better and without support we feel helpless. This type of stress can lead to a variety of other physical and emotional problems including heart disease and depression.

As caregivers it is our tendency to put the health of those we are caring for before our own, which doesn’t help anyone. It is important to focus on your own health and manage your stress levels so the care you provide your loved one is not affected. Learning to recognize symptoms of caregiver stress will help you realize when you need to take a step back, manage your stress or ask for help. Here are some signs that you might be getting burned out:

• Anxiety, depression, irritability

• Trouble concentrating

• Feeling tired, sleepy, and rundown all day even after sleeping or taking a nap.

• Neglecting your own needs including hygiene and existing medical conditions because you either don’t care or don’t have time.

• Drinking, smoking, or eating more.

• Feeling helpless and hopeless

Do you recognize yourself or someone you know?  Look at our website for more tips or feel free to give us a call.

You should do a thorough evaluation of any program you are considering. During this evaluation period you can ask questions and do research to help determine if they can provide the right assistance and if you are comfortable with them caring for your loved one.

Some suggested questions you can ask potential providers are:

• Can family members meet and interview the people who will be providing care?
• How are caregivers screened when they are hired?
• What does the caregiver training involve? Is there specific training your caregivers receive?
• How much does the respite care cost? Do you work with insurance and other agencies to reduce this cost for me?
• Do you provide transportation?
• How do you stay in touch with the family?
• Do you have references?
• Do you have any special skill sets that could help you care for my loved one or have you ever worked with anyone who has the same condition as they do?
• Are you insured?

Doing research and asking questions up front will help reduce the amount of problems of issues that may arise during the respite care. And it will reduce your stress level when you are away so you can truly rest and relax and be worry free on your vacation!

Millions of Americans each year are providing unpaid assistance to elderly family, friends, and neighbors. This assistance allows for the elderly person or couple to remain in their homes and active in their communities for as long as it is possible.

These caregivers are unsung heroes and often have full time jobs, and are taking care of children and other members of their family, or both. They can become overwhelmed and need a break or a vacation  – this is where respite care comes in. It not only gives the caregiver the break they need, but it also makes sure that their elderly family member or friend is still well cared for.

Respite care can vary in length from half of a day to many weeks and can include home care, adult day care, or a short-term assisted living stay. The cost of the care depends on what services your loved one might need, the length of stay and the setting. Some insurance plans, particularly long-term care insurance, may cover some of the respite care.

You will often notice, however, that they choose to go shorter distances and maybe don’t drive at night.  Better yet, they team up with friends who are a few years younger and let them do the driving! My Dad made the decision to stop driving – he just didn’t actually tell us. He let my mother drive around town when they went out and just let his car stay in the garage. It was kind of an unspoken thing.  About a year later, my Mom told my Dad that a cousin wanted to buy his car and he said ok. It was a gradual letting go which was the best way for him.  If you wait too long, it really becomes a problem. But if that is the case, there are ways like hiding keys or disabling the car and not getting it fixed. That can do the trick as well.

Be sure to drive a few times with your loved one and (discreetly) ask neighbors or friends if they may have seen any signs that you might have missed or if they have have concerns . Be sure to check for any dents or scratches on the car that weren’t there at your last visit.

Although, it’s very hard – trust me, I have been through this – you never want to get a call that your loved one was hurt in a car accident or hurt someone else. It is a delicate subject but one that needs to be addressed before they put themselves or others in danger.

Driving a car is seen as the last personal freedom for many elderly people. Many rely on their car for going to their doctor appointments, out to eat, to their place of worship,  or to the grocery store. Many find it hard to make the decision to stop driving on their own so inevitably the decision falls on a healthier spouse who doesn’t want to be in the same car, or to the children or adult grandchildren. Even when it’s been mandated by the State as ordered by a doctor, it’s always the family who has to ultimately take away the keys. Guilt, albeit with a sigh of relief, seizes the moment.

The decision to take your parents or grandparent’s keys should not be taken lightly. Most experts say that being old doesn’t necessarily mean you are a bad driver. Many elderly drivers stay on the road until they are into their 90’s and never get a ticket or cause an accident. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration’s Older Driver Research Program states that senior drivers are more likely than other drivers to wear seat belts and are less likely to drink and drive. That doesn’t mean your concerns aren’t warranted, however. It is important to address your family member’s driving and make sure that they, along with everyone else on the road, are safe.

Other than just a gut feeling, how can you tell that it is time to take the keys away from your loved one? There are signs, some obvious and some not, that your parents or grandparents should not be driving anymore. Here are a few to look for:

• Health Conditions – Do they have any physical or mental problems that may impair their driving ability?
• Vision – If you can’t see you can’t drive. A good sign that vision might be going is not being able to drive at night.
• Hearing – Like vision, hearing is an important part of driving safely. You need to be able to hear sirens, horns, or any other sounds that might signal a problem. Having a   hearing test done can help determine whether or not they should be driving.
• Prescription Drugs and Alcohol – If your parent is taking prescription drugs, make sure to check the side effects or possible reactions like drowsiness or dizziness. If your  family member drinks alcohol regularly it would be good to keep an eye on how much they drink and how it affects them. Obviously it is never a good idea to drive while intoxicated.
• Memory Issues – When you start to get those calls that Dad couldn’t remember the way home, or that Mom never made it to her appointment but said she did, that is a clear sign that it’s time to have ‘the talk’.

If you notice any of the above, get ready to broach the subject. Tune in next month for strategies to gently break the news.

Thank you and see you next time.

Jill Metlin

Suggestions, comments, questions? Contact me at jmetlin@comforcarejax.com or call us at 904-232-4407 or 877-232-4023

January 2013

Have regular eye exams -Even if you are healthy and have no vision problems, regular exams can help detect the early signs of eye disorders and damage. People with certain medical conditions and those a family history of eye problems may need more frequent exams. Consult your physician about recommendations for the appropriate screening intervals for your age and health.

November 2012

Company Wellness Benefits Help Employees Lead Healthier Lives

Losing weight and getting fit may be as easy as participating in the wellness programs your employer offers.

Many companies are introducing health and fitness initiatives or adding to their existing wellness programs to improve employee health and reduce health care costs.

By encouraging employees to increase their physical activity and make better food choices, employers hope to help them lead healthier lives and prevent disease.

In January 2012, the Society for Human Resource Management, the world’s largest association devoted to human resource management, conducted its annual survey to gather information on the types of benefits employers offer to their employees.

The survey revealed that more than one-third of companies offered incentives for completing certain health activities. About 20% provided a discount for not using tobacco products, 15% offered discounts for participating in a wellness program and 9% provided health care premium discounts for participating in a weight-loss program.

According to a Health Affairs report on U.S. workplace wellness and disease-prevention programs, every dollar spent by employers on wellness programs resulted in a reduction of medical costs by $3.27 and absenteeism costs by $2.73.

Ways Companies are Promoting Employee Health

Weight Loss Programs – Companies subsidize all or part of the cost of weight loss programs such as Weight Watchers® and/or host on-site meetings before or after hours or during lunch. Employees report they enjoy the camaraderie of attending the meetings and losing weight together.

Low-calorie Lunches and Snacks - Whether its once a week or every day, companies have their food service vendors feature low-calorie, low-fat menu items. They also work with their vending machine suppliers to stock healthier options.

Smoking Cessation – Employers encourage employees to stop smoking and support their efforts by offering assistance such as telephone-based counseling services, subsidized access to online smoking cessation support and providing self-help materials.

On-site Fitness Centers – Companies create on-site fitness centers with treadmills, stair climbers and free weights. Many offer fitness classes such as aerobics and yoga and access to personal trainers.

Employers also offer additional programs and benefits to help with preventable and chronic conditions. These include hosting seasonal flu vaccination clinics and providing screening programs for high glucose or high cholesterol levels.

If your employer offers wellness programs, take advantage of them and if it does not, talk to your human resource representative about the benefits of these types of programs to both employee health and the company’s bottom line.

 

October 2012

Exercise Can Lower the Risk of Diabetes in Overweight Children

Yet another study has reinforced the message that children should spend less time in front of the TV and computer and more time exercising.

According to a study published in the September 19 issue of theJournal of the American Medical Association, regular aerobic exercise can help overweight children reduce their risk of diabetes.

Today, one-third of elementary school-aged children in the United States are overweight or obese. Children who are obese are at risk of developing serious health problems, including type 2 diabetes.

The study assessed more than 200 inactive, overweight or obese children (average age of 9.4 years) and looked at how different amounts of aerobic exercise affected the following:

• Diabetes risk factors, such as insulin resistance
• Levels of overall body fat
• Levels of abdominal fat

Researchers randomly assigned some children to the “low” aerobic training group (20 minutes per day) and some to the  “high” aerobic training group (40 minutes per day). These children participated in aerobic training five days a week for an average of 13 weeks. They were then compared to a control group of kids who maintained their normal level of physical activity.

Children in both the low and high group experienced greater reductions in insulin resistance and overall body fat and abdominal fat than those in the control group.

This news points out the importance of daily exercise for healthy, fit children. Making exercise a regular habit for children is easy and fun when the family plays together. Parents can encourage daily aerobic exercise by:

• Designating one evening as family fitness night. Each week, a different person chooses a “workout” everyone will do  together. Whether it’s swimming, rollerblading or disc golf, everyone gets a chance to pick an activity he or she enjoys and exercise is never boring.
• Taking their kids for brisk walks or bike rides in the neighborhood or at a local park.
• Putting on some upbeat music and holding a dance party in the living room.
• Shooting hoops with their kids.
• Going for a family bike ride.
• Playing soccer in the front yard.
• Spending TV time with their kids playing a fitness video game -  not watching a show!

 

August 2012

Be Sun Safe to Prevent Skin Cancer

By taking precautions to protect yourself from the harmful ultraviolet (UV) rays of the sun, you lower your risk of developing skin cancer.

According to the American Cancer Society, more than 3.5 million skin cancers are diagnosed each year in the United States and it estimates there will be more than 76,000 new cases of malignant melanoma, the most serious form of skin cancer, this year alone.

While skin cancer can often be treated successfully when caught early, it is best to prevent exposure to the sun’s UV rays.

Reduce your risk of skin damage and skin cancer by taking these steps:

• Limit the amount of time you spend in the sun when its rays are strongest – between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.
• Cover up as much as possible when you know you will be outdoors. Wear long pants, shirts with long sleeves and wide-brimmed hats.
• Keep an umbrella handy. They are not just for rainy days, they are great for blocking the sun too.
• Use sunscreen with a sun protection factor (SPF) of 15 or greater and apply it generously. It takes approximately one ounce (about a shot glass full) to cover the arms, legs, neck and face of the average adult.
• Apply sunscreen to allexposed areas at least 15 minutes before going outside and reapply every two hours or more often if swimming or perspiring. Always apply sunscreen before makeup or insect repellent.
• Avoid indoor tanning.

And remember these four words whenever you are about to step outside for some fun in the sun: “Slip, Slop, Slap, Wrap!”

• Slip on a shirt
• Slop on sunscreen of SPF 15 or higher
• Slap on a wide-brimmed hat.
• Wrap on sunglasses.

Like other form of cancer, early detection is key to the successful treatment of skin cancer.

Have your physician check your skin during visits and be vigilant about self-examining your skin once a month. Note any new moles, changes to existing moles or anything about your skin that concerns you and notify your physician.

For many of us, particularly our older parents and caregivers, holiday time can be a time of sadness and depression; especially if widowed and living alone. Memories of the kids gathered together for latke parties and presents and the lighting of menorahs can loom larger than usual if life seems more empty these days.

This is a good time to reach out to those you love who need you even if they don’t show it or don’t ask. Those whom you thought to cal but didn’t have the time. Or whome you meant to visit but their house was never on the way. And they don’t have to be your parents or relatives – it can be anybody, a neighbor, an old friend, someone you met in shul or in Publix. Everybody wants to know someone out there cares.

So take a little inventory, write a list of the seniors in your life who may need an extra hug, visit, call or conversation. This is the epitome of ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ After all, don’t we all need to feel special and loved?

Thank you and see you next time,

Jill Metlin

Well, I have coined a new term- Helicopter Children – those annoyingly overemotional baby boomerish adult children who hover over their parents – whether they need it or not.

As our parents get older, whether they live near or far, we can’t help but wonder “How are they today? Did Mom eat breakfast? Did Dad take his pills? What if Dad’s cancer comes back – what will Mom do without him? Wow, last time I went to visit she had a ton of prescriptions!” We become Helicopter Children. I know this because I am one.

When my Dad was more advanced in his illness, I used to kiss him goodbye twice – just in case. It bugged him but I had to do it. Now that my Dad is gone, my Mom is my helipad. When I am visiting her in South Florida, I hover around her like a helicopter parent hovers around her children. I can’t help it. Whether it’s in person or over the phone, I have to know that she’s ok, feels well, eats well, and takes the ‘right’ medication at the ‘right’ time. If you recognize yourself in these words, you know the drill.

This summer it was worse – all my helicopter neuroses came to a head when my Mom fractured her back while traveling in Eastern Europe. Even though two of my siblings were with her on the trip, it was still excruciating for me as a helicopter child. I never knew how many texts, overseas calls and emails I could accomplish in a day. How much long-distance arranging I could do from continent to continent. As if it wouldn’t happen without me in control. Hmmm.

Now that my Mom is back home, she tells me that I worry too much, and she’s right – I do. She says it’s the beginning of role reversal, and I say no – not yet. Caring for a parent is a beautiful thing. It allows you to give back more than you ever thought you could or would. It feels good to help, to make sure that they are safe, and enjoying life to the fullest. Even if they drive you crazy – and you, them, and even if they don’t need you as much as you’d like to think.

My Mother lost a good friend on Yom Kippur. It was very unexpected and kind of eerie due to the nature of the day. Oddly enough, this lovely person, originally from Cincinnati, living in my Mother’s community in South Florida, made one of my first connections to a couple in Jacksonville right before I moved here. This unexpected death really gave us pause and even greater meaning to the message of the day and the gift of life. Everyday we have with our parents is a day to be cherished.

Thank you and see you next time,

Jill Metlin

Suggestions, comments, questions? Contact me at jmetlin@comforcarejax.com or call us at 904-232-4407 or 877-232-4023

Emotional roadblocks are the kind we put in our own path. Mentally, in our ‘I should be able to do it all myself and be strong’ world, it is hard to ask for help. Many of us would rather risk our own health and well-being than ask for and/or accept help. We feel guilty if we need a break from caregiving – be it mentally or physically. Or if we can’t do it ourselves, or if we don’t want to do it ourselves. That’s ok – it’s all ok and you are not alone. Knowing our limitations is as important as knowing our strengths. When addressing the emotional roadblocks head on, it’s best to stop the guilt – especially the guilt trip we put on ourselves. This is where ‘no man is an island’ and ‘it takes a village’ come into play.

Chances are when you are in need, people ask you – what can I do? We often say ‘nothing’ or feel so overwhelmed that we truly don’t know what we need or what to ask for. Trust that when people offer, they mean it. It will almost always come true. Take a deep breath and take a moment to think about what someone can do for you. This can range from giving you a break, to meeting you for some fun, to doing an errand or two for you, or by researching on the internet or making some calls. If the situation is more chronic and long term, than sometimes assistance from friends and family can run out or become more intermittent for many reasons, but in the short-term, it’s a good time to get the support and breathing room that you need to work on the longer term solutions.

Thank you and see you next time.

Jill Metlin

Suggestions, comments, questions? Contact me at jmetlin@comforcarejax.com or call us at 904-232-4407 or 877-232-4023

When for the umpteenth time my Mother called to say, ‘Your father has fallen and I can’t pick him up.’ I knew that we had to do something different. The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results – and we were reaching insanity.

With making any change comes three stages, ‘awareness, acceptance, and then action’. Ours went like this: Awareness that Dad was changing – in ways that showed serious decline over time. Acceptance that is was not going to get better and that no matter what we did or wished or hoped for, we could not make him or will him to be better. And Action, getting the resources that we needed for him and for us, and choosing a different path in search of a better solution.

The old adage ‘if I knew then what I know now’, truly applies in this case. And as Rosalynn Carter once said: “There are four kinds of people in this world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.” Caregiving is not unique to seniors. For many of us, we are caregivers many times in our lives. From our young children to our aging loved ones, caregiving is always on the table.

My hope is to share information and insights into aging and caregiving, with a touch of humor, as we all need to smile and laugh even when in a tough situation. Seeing the humor in these situations is goodd for the heart and for the soul – and it’s OK to do so – I give you permission, even on those days when it all just seems like too much.

Thank you and see you next time,

Jill Metlin

Suggestions, comments, questions? Contact me at jmetlin@comforcarejax.com or call us at: 904-232-4407 or 877-232-4023